Monday, October 22, 2007

Good News Is No News!

Some items in the news recently (and my opinion about it):

News: David Copperfield was alleged to have raped a Seattle woman thereby having his Las Vegas house raided by police.
My View: David, the slogan isn't, "What happens to a Seattle woman, stays in a Seattle woman." Ah, it's all just a big trick anyway.

News: Legendary mime, Marcel Marceau, passed away a few weeks ago at the age of 84.
My View: Poor guy. He led such a quiet life.

News: NFL Roger Goodell sent a memo to all NFL teams prohibiting home team cheerleaders from parading around in front of the visitors’ sideline. He says it distracts the team.
My View: Roger just takes all the fun out of the game. Now Bill Belichick will have to video tape them.

News: Joey Bishop, one of the original members of the Rat Pack died on the 17th of October.
My View: Although long preceded by the death of his career, when it comes to the Rat Pack, Joey had the last laugh.

News: Kid Rock arrested after Waffle House brawl.
My View: You know you're getting old when… Actually I blame the establishment. They give everyone a carafe of coffee and then wonder why people are on edge when someone takes the last drop of Boysenberry syrup.

News: Researchers have identified a group of genes that not only prevent cancer but also slow the aging process in worms.
My View: PETA will be ecstatic!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

First Thing First

Elisha Cooper wrote, quite possibly, one of the best opening lines of any book ever published: There’s a head sticking out of my best friend.

This line, from the book: Crawling: A father’s first year, is Mr. Cooper’s humorous, touching account of fatherhood in the first year of a baby’s life. I have never met the man or spoken to him, and I am not getting any endorsing fees in any way. I just wanted to tell you that this book is a wonderful read for any man about to become a father

My little girl, Prudence, was born on Saturday, June 2. Fatherhood has pretty much taken over my life with a vengeance. I quickly realized that the tiniest of things this little girl does has a bigger impact on my life than anything I used to worry about before. Things just don’t matter as much as they used to when you have a child.

“The freaking check-engine light came on in the car today,” I said as I entered the house from a long day at work. “That means I have to write a check to make the engine light turn off. Sheesh, I’m just so aggravated. Like we can afford this crap. Not to mention I don’t have the time—“

“Honey, she smiled today for the first time,” my wife interrupted.

I quickly deflated.

“Aw, really?” I said. “I want to see. Make her do it again,” as if Prudence were a circus act.

I find myself anxiously anticipating all of her many firsts as she grows from babyhood; her first smile, the first time she rolls over, her first haircut, the first time I stand before a judge for beating the shit out of her boyfriend.

It’s a long road from childhood to adulthood and I’m so glad to be along for the ride. I just hope the check-engine light doesn’t come on.